But before we begin a few pics from the Fairy Festival yesterday.
Pre-festival Miss C requested a heart braid. I wasn't completely sure I had the skills to accomplish that, but thanks to youtube and a very patient little girl we achieved a reasonable facsimile. I was rather proud.
The face painter they have come to the FS is no joke, let me tell you. The line for face painting is long and that poor woman stands there painting faces for hours. Kudos to her for being amazing. Cute results, right?
As many of us age we start to get a laundry list of this ache or that pain. For some of us it can be a little more serious with chronic conditions and diseases that have the ability to make life a lot less than fun. For the most part I think we all deal with them as well as possible with a minimum of whining, but the pain and/or suffering can frequently put us between a rock and a hard place. If you don't let people know what's going on they have no way of understanding why you are declining invitations or just generally acting different. If you do tell them they either freak out, become overly solicitous, or just plain get tired of your tale of woe. Where lies the happy medium?
As an example, all last week my back and neck have been giving me some trouble. Totally my fault; I asked them to do things I knew they wouldn't like and they didn't. It will pass, but some times it takes a little longer than other times. Yesterday we go to the Fairy Festival, which was adorable and would be even more so in say, October, but thats just me and my hate/hate relationship with heat and humidity. As we are walking along my left thigh goes numb. If I sit down and change my position, it stops. If I get up and walk again, numb. In the grand scheme of things this isn't a huge deal, but because I am trying to deal with my anxiety without a daily med I start to freak out a little. The more times it goes numb the more freaked out I get. I know that Kysa is counting on her tribe for support (long story that doesn't need to be told here) so I want to stay as long as possible. Tom and I have my private level of pain/crazy down to a science. I tell him the situation and he quietly keeps tabs. No over worrying, it just kind of puts him on a slightly higher level of alert. If he can help he does, otherwise he just stays close. This is one of a million reasons why I love him to infinity and beyond. If, however, I tell Kysa I fear it will make an already tenuous day take a step toward the dark side. To tell or not to tell? Should I let my discomfort have the power to add one more hit to her bad day? Is not telling her being dishonest? (btw, the numbness is a pinched nerve thing and once I could lay flat on my back for a bit went completely away. No good reason to freak out at all, but then, is there ever?)
Here is the big question, is it nobler to suffer in the silence of discomfort or to become a whiner? There honestly doesn't feel like there is much middle space here. It's not like you can hand people a card that explains, "I have a herniated disc in my neck and also an anxiety disorder. I am occasionally in pain and once in awhile I freak out. It's all good, nothing to see here, move along." For the most part I keep it to myself. My loved ones know I have some issues, but probably are not aware when I am really suffering. I prefer it this way, but I have been accused of not allowing people the opportunity to offer me love and caring that could make me feel better. See what I mean? Rock meet hard place.
If anyone has some insight on this topic I'm really open to hearing it. Am I the only person that struggles with this? (This would not in any way surprise me. I have a particular gift for over thinking everything.)Step forth and speak your truth!!