Buddha and his sun powered disco ball. (You could be dancing....yeah.)
I do not consider myself to be an overly fearful person. I mean, we all have fears, like our family members becoming ill or injured, or your big, bad natural disaster (I'm looking at you, Matthew). I do fear being burned (been there, done that), but things that other people might shy away from, like spiders or snakes, I really like. I'll tell you what I don't like, at all, even a little, clowns.
My clown hang up is actually a subset of a bigger problem with people in costume. This includes, but is not limited to, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, team mascots, and the giant robin that gets led around by the hand at Red Robin. To this day, at nearly 59 years old, I will do what ever it takes to keep Santa Claus a safe distance away from me, and by safe distance, I mean miles.
We have to blame for this irrational neurosis, my father, who when I was almost 2, decided it would be fun to dress up like Jolly Saint Nick and come home that way. He came through the door, hoisted me up whilst shouting HO HO HO and I lost my shit. Probably in a literal sense. We have pictures of him in that crazy get up and me, mouth wide and screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I was never the same after that. Did I want to visit Santa at the mall? No. Did I want the Easter Bunny to come and bring candy? No. Did I want to leave my tooth under the pillow for the Tooth Fairy to come? No. Do you want to dress up as a witch and knock on people's door to get candy? Are you kidding me? Anyone in any sort of a costume was the enemy in my book
Oh, but clowns? Clowns come directly from hell to steal your soul. I always suspected it, but Stephen King confirmed it and that dude is never wrong. Have you read IT, because I have and, well.....no clowns. Just no clowns.
Now that you know my little secret, you can probably understand that the latest rash of clown attacks has had me a little uneasy. While Tom was out of town, a neighborhood watch group I follow reported a person dressed like a clown shooting paintballs at a local elementary school, which was bad, but THEN he was sighted on my street. Why, why must people act like idiots? Paintball Clown was never apprehended and has probably long since ditched the mask and moved on to other acts of vandalism and stupidity. Please let that be true.
Rationally, I am aware that beneath the latex and faux fur costumes are perfectly lovely people who are just doing their thing to make the world a more fun and entertaining place. I wish them all well, even the clowns. It isn't fair that the good ones are being penalized because of a few nut cases. These are hard days to be clowns. To quote the Insane Clown Posse, “So there ARE no "killer clowns"--it's just jackasses being jackasses so everyone relax!” If a posse of insane clowns says to relax, I'm going to try and relax. No promises.