I dreamed a dream of days gone by.

Last night I dreamed of Dunham Lake.  I was floating on the cool water with the sun on my face.  The loons swam nearby and the eagles flew overhead.  It was a remembering dream.  Memory imprinted in the cells of my being as the perfect place in the perfect time.  A place that I know and that knows me.  Or knew me, once upon a time.

Dunham Lake, near Siren, Wisconsin is where my father's parents immigrated from Sweden and Norway and where my parents eventually retired to. I spent every summer and Christmas holiday on that lake from the day I was born until my parents sold the place when I was in my thirties.  I grieve it's loss like I do any loved one lost to me. Perhaps more so. Dunham Lake, and the woods surrounding, were my best childhood friends, sanctuary, teacher, and protector. 

But here's the thing; I've dreamed about my lake a million times and each time I wake up feeling sad and lonely.  Today, I woke up feeling peaceful and grateful to have the privilege of such a memory and the opportunity to dream of it in such detail.  What changed?

For the past two weeks I have been meditating 3 times a week.  I found a Gaiam DVD, "Meditation for Beginners".  It begins with 15 minutes of yoga followed by 20 minutes of guided mediation and the honest truth is I pretty much suck at meditating.  My brain cannot stay focused on my breath for more than a minute without wandering off in all directions.  During the meditation the guide talks about how the positive results of this practice may not be readily apparent, but after time you will begin to see subtle changes in your life, emotions, dreams, or sleep patterns.  I have to admit that my response to that was to be a little skeptical.  After last night I'm beginning to have a bit more faith in the process.

The discipline of meditation does not come easily to me.  Just the act of sitting still for 20 minutes makes me a little crazy.  As with any thing new, time and practice lead to improvement (I hope) and I'm a little excited to see what other changes may come about from this new venture.