Woolly Mutts

Still around

I apologize for the lack of recent posts.  To be honest I just haven't felt like it.  I have had a tendency of late to be a bit of an Eeyore and I didn't want to whine.  Whining is never pretty, so I opted for silence instead. 

I've had a stomach virus this past few days.  It came complete with a fever and lots of aches along with the requisite symptoms that define a stomach virus.  I'm starting to feel better.  I did sway a bit while getting a manicure this morning, but perhaps it was dehydration.  Whatever, I do feel a bit more stable now.  The thing is that while I am sure that the stomach virus was real, I think perhaps that my body is how I am expressing how sad I am.  When I can't seem to do what other normal folks do, which is cry out their sorrow, my body finds other ways....cause you know...it has to come out...all that sad.  I can't keep it forever. 

We hit the 4 month mark since my mother's death last week. I try not to keep track of things like that, but it's hard not to.  Her ashes have yet to be anywhere other than here in my room, on the floor next to me.  Her monies will not be dispersed for another 6 months or so and I'm feeling like that 4 month mark should have more to show for it.  A few steps closer to closing the door on the last details.  I must learn to become a more patient woman.

Today, though, on this rainy, chilly day that she would have hated like crazy, but I love, I think I miss her.  In fact, I know I do and the sad truth is that up until today I can tell you that I have not.  The last month of her life was so difficult for me that I have felt very little except relief at her passing.  Today, as I struggle to regain some of my old self, as I pull the beginnings of Autumn around me, I miss her and I think maybe that is a good thing.  I hope so. 

A sweater with a zip.

Right off the bat I apologize for the less than great picture.  It's been rainy here this morning and I struggled to find light that would show off the color to it's best advantage.  Not much success with that. 

Another sweet baby sweater off the needles for baby CJ.  When I was immensely pregnant with Kysa I decided that knitting would take my mind off the fact that I was hot and huge, and it honestly worked.  I knit her a sweater very like the one I just completed for Cambria.  I found the pattern online as a free download after a lot of searching and overall, I was fairly happy with it.  There were a few times that I had to go with my experience as a knitter and ignore the pattern.  The end result was what I was looking for, and who can ask for more, right?  Specs:
Pattern:  Hooded Baby Sweater with Back Zipper by Sarah Montie
Yarn:  Cascade 220 Superwash Handpaints in Carribean Sea  - 1 1/2 skeins
Needles: 5 and 8 circs
Ravelry page here.

The back zipper went in a little wonky, but that was mostly because I used a poly zip from my massive stash.  A cotton zip would have lay down a bit better, but I'm sure not going to rip it out!  I knit the newborn size and even though my gauge was consistent through out, it's really more like a 3-6 months size. 

Next up is the Dream in Color Tulip Baby Sweater.  Knitting for little people is SO much fun. :-)

Back to life as usual.

Wednesday morning, sun is shining, though the forecast is for storms later in the day.  Hope they are correct.  A good storm would do us all good.  The last several days have been so packed with emotion that it feels good to just post about life in the norm here.  We did manage to fit a movie in over the weekend and our choice was District 9.

This film was not at all what I expected, though I can't say if that is a good or bad thing.  Quick synopsis: alien mother ship appears to be stalled over Johannesburg, South Africa and after some waiting to see if it would go away, the residents decide to go up and find out what was going on.  They found a ship of aliens who were starving and brought then all back down to earth and set them up in a shack community they call District 9.  The first half of the film was so disturbing to me that I almost asked AH if we could leave.  The aliens were so repulsive and the situation so...well I think disturbing is the best word I can come up with.  By the end of the film I was fully on the side of the aliens hoping that a good number of humans would get what they deserved.  It was a deep film with areas of beautiful African music and perhaps a bit of a commentary on Apartheid which was particularly difficult to watch.  We talked about it for a long time afterward and I still find myself thinking of it and hoping that the aliens found their way home.  I recommend it, but with the caution that it is NOT a film for children or for the very sensitive.  Where films like Independence Day and MIB take the alien possibility and make it funny or explosive, District 9 meets it on an extremely human, and probably more truthful level.  As always, if you see it I'd love to hear your opinion.

My attempt at the sad thing. Saying goodbye to Tessa.

It looks as though I will be at JustGoods all day tomorrow training and there will be little time for me to give the attention necessary to tell this little tale so today it is.  As happy and beautiful as the last two days have been, there is another side to life.  Death.

My story begins quite a few years ago when I began at the Roscoe Library and found myself managing the pages there.  For those who may not be library savvy, pages put away books, among other things.  There were four of them, each ridiculously intelligent and funny and just plain lovely to work with.  I adored them all, but I have to admit that there was something about Tessa that clicked with me.  Something about the light that shone in her that made me watch her a bit more closely.  She reminded me in a very small way....of me.  Well, the years passed and all my girls graduated high school (with honors) and went away to college.  We kept in touch and in 2005 I wrote this post about Tessa.  I would consider it a personal favor if you would go now and read it.  It will help you understand a little better. Go now, I'll wait.

Tessa did, in fact, win the Fulbright Scholarship and spent some time in Brighton on that scholarship.  She also danced; swing and tango and would send an occasional note home telling me about it.  I saw her now and then, in fact she came to my 50th birthday party.  I just knew.....I was freaking confident that Tessa was going to change the world, and, in the end she did, just not in the way I expected.  A few days after that 50th birthday party we learned that the cancer in her brain had returned and the past two years have been about Tessa fighting that cancer.  On Saturday we got the news that, as her father put it, "the angels came for her."  The beautiful bright light that was Tessa has gone out and to be perfectly honest, I simply can't deal with it. 

I am so tired of death.  This past year I have been overwhelmed with death.  Friends, parents, beloved pets..I actually have a funeral wear space in my closet.  There is something just not right about that.  And yet, when my mother died, it was her time and though I was/am terribly sad about it I can accept it.  Tessa? I don't know what to do with it or how to work it out in my mind. 

I have made work commitments that I am unwilling to change so I will not be attending Tessa's official goodbye and while I will have some guilt I hope that her family will understand that I'm not strong enough to be there.  I will spend my own time remembering and honoring her as I knew her best;

with her reindeer antlers and adorably funky skirt shelving books

and smiling with her friends.  (apologies for the pictures of pictures and for the absence of Sarah, the 4th page.) 

What Tessa gave me in the years I knew her was to remember be who I am.  To shine wherever I find myself and to dream as grand as possible. To read more and write more and believe more. To embrace life and to be brave in it.  She lived more in her 26 years than I will ever live in mine and for that I am grateful. 

So, goodbye Tessa dear.  I will never, ever forget you.  There will always be a candle burning for you in my heart.

Peaceful rest  Tessa Mae Oberg  4/22/1983 - 8/15/2009

One more day of happy.

Because I am nothing if not an expert at creative procrastination I am going to go with one more day of happy before we get to the sad tomorrow.  And happy is the perfect word for today's post.

Twenty five years ago today I gave birth to this beautiful woman and in a couple of months she will give birth to her daughter.  The circle of life is a grand and glorious thing.  In honor of this birthday event we had party on Saturday night.  The first half of the party was her indulging us older of her admirers with close friends and good food.

Mother nature blessed us with perfect weather.  There was much laughter and present opening and special card reading.  It's hard to imagine that next year at this time we will have another little face at the birthday table.

Later in the evening the younger crowd joined us for cake and a bonfire.

Nothing quite so special as a celebration of a life well lived, and Kysa does life better than most.  Every single day of her life has been lived with joy and gratitude.  Who could ask for more?

Happy birthday, my Beauty Rose.  May we all enjoy many, many more of them together.  You have always, every single minute, been a gift in my life that I could not be more thankful for.  I wasn't all I could be until there was you. 

So much love in the world.

There are some days where I sit at this computer and struggle to find anything whatsoever to talk about and then in one day SO much happens that I hardly know where to start.  Though yesterday was equal parts happy and sad I think I will begin with the happy and work my way toward the sad.

This little tale actually begins several days ago with a phone call from my son where he tells me that I must stay calm and keep a secret.  I am able to do those things, I say, so he proceeds to explain that he has just been to the jeweler and purchased an outrageously perfect diamond for his long time girlfriend, Santa.  I am thrilled.  We love Sant and have been waiting for the immortal words of Miss Beyonce ("if you want it then you better put a ring on it") to sink in to Karl's head.  He tells me that the jeweler is sizing it and that his plan is to give it to her next Wednesday which will be their anniversary.  At Wednesday night family dinner I stay calm, give away no secrets and listen as they talk about what they are considering for a maybe-someday wedding.  Am I good, or what? 

The following Saturday (yesterday) we are planning a birthday party for Kysa's 25th birthday and I am coming home from an errand when I receive another phone call, this time from Amazing Husband.  Karl has brought the diamond to our house for safe keeping.  WHAT?  OUR HOUSE?  Ok, I'm super excited about seeing it, but what if the house burns down, or we're robbed, or....ACK the responsibility.  I get home and see it and it.is.glorious. We continue with party prep and it turned out to be a lovely time with perfect outdoor weather.  Good friends, good food, good times.  Around 10:00 pm all the older folks head for home and bed and the younger ones remain to enjoy the fire and birthday cake.  This morning AH and I get up and quickly prepare to head down to the party area for the final clean up since it looks like rain.  AH goes into the kitchen and calls me to see the message on the dry erase board we keep on the fridge:

WHAT!!!! I slept through this moment of wonderfulness?  As it turned out, after everyone else had gone home Karl and Santa spent a bit more time enjoying the party lights and the fire and Karl decided the moment was right.  To our immense pleasure these two lovely people will be entering into matrimonial bliss some time in the future.
 
I could not be happier for both of them and for us.  Congratulations Karl and Santa!  We love you like crazy.

BBC love.

Here in Muttville we love our sci-fi.  Amazing Husband and I are both appropriately grateful that we share the sci-fi love.  It's much more fun viewed with company and it makes the discussions of viewed sci-fi much less one sided.  Our latest sci-fi obsession has come to us via the wonder that is BBC America.  It appears that the Brits also enjoy a bit of the pushing-the-boundaries viewing. 

A week or so ago we finished the final episode of Primeval which was canceled rather unceremoniously with main characters stranded in random pockets of time.  Quite annoying.  If the rumor mill has any accuracy, the film rights have been purchased and the big dogs, who I image discovered a little too late that the fan base for this tv show is large and not quiet about their discontent over the terrible ending, are planning to resurrect it similar to Firefly. (Shiny!) Filmed mostly in London, I think I was almost as much in love with the location as I was the actual show.

So, left with no British sci-fi to keep us from evening boredom we have now turned to Torchwood, which I believe is currently in its third season and has not, thank you very much, yet been canceled. Yet. Torchwood is filmed in Wales, Cardiff to be specific, and again, the location is a big draw for me.  Also new is an American member of the cast.  Or maybe he's just playing an American....not sure.  We are on the 5th episode of the first season and already fully under the spell.  Love this show.  It's edgy and weird, exactly how good sci-fi should be.  Thank you the wonderful itunes for allowing us to feed out little addiction.

In keeping with the whole British theme, after finishing my re-read of The Time Traveler's Wife (the movie is going to be SO sad) I dug through my stash of must reads and pulled out "The Beach Street Knitting Society and Yarn Club" by Gil McNeil. I purchased this book on a whim, and well, let's just face facts, because it had knitting in the title.  Like the above tele programs, it takes place in the UK and is written using some extremely entertaining British vernacular.  I have to say I am enjoying this book very much and actually find myself laughing out loud now and then.  There is knitting involved, but it's really just a sweet story of starting over.  While reading I have compiled a list of a few of my favorite words:

ballocks: who does not love ballocks?  If you have to use a bad word I think ballocks might be THE perfect one.  "Oh, ballocks!"  Divine.

brilliant: brilliant idea - things are going brilliantly - bloody brilliant (see next word)

bloody: yet another fabulous was to emphasize frustration or exclamation: bloody h*ll, bloody amazing, bloody old, hot, early, late...bloody fantastic.

require - will you be requiring anything else? room of requirement (ok,I took that one from Harry Potter)

bits: bits and bobs, best bits, jigggly bits

bugger: the Brits really know how to swear, don't they?  love it.

jumper: sweater.  I haven't figured this one out at all, but then, I guess jumper isn't really any more odd than sweater.  Who really wants to sweat?

dodgy: difficult or tricky

biscuit: cookie

I have yet to discover exactly what "digestives" and "conkers" are.  I love a good puzzle. :)

Go forth and have a bloody fantastic day! Brilliant!

You're gonna miss this.

"You're gonna miss this
you're gonna want this back
you're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast.

These are some good times
so take a good look around.
You may not know it now
but you're gonna miss this."


Since we returned from our week in Nashville I've been making it a habit to hit the button on the radio tuned to the country music station.  After experiencing the devotion country music fans have for their music and musicians I decided there must be more to it than my original assessment.  I'll admit that I'm still not what I would call a "fan", but there is no denying that they have a gift for music that gets right to the heart of emotion.  One of my favorites is the song containing the lyrics above, "You're Gonna Miss This", by Trace Adkins (who I actually met in Nashville).  Video here. 

Every time I hear this song I wonder what it is about the human animal that struggles to live in the moment? Why do we always want what will come next more than what is happening now? There is no question that with age comes a certain wisdom and it truly has taken me to age 50 to realize how much I missed hurrying on to the next thing in life. 

The picture above is one of my dearest of my children.  I remember them so clearly that day, so blond and sweet.  Karl had just been given his first wrist watch and he was so proud of it.  Kysa wasn't quite 3 and always hurrying to keep up with Karl.  I also remember that I thought I would NEVER get her potty trained and that shopping for school supplies with Karl was just torture as he could never decide exactly what he wanted.  Those were some good times, and while I don't want them back, I do wish that I had appreciated them for the gifts they were at the time.  I would like back just a few more bed time stories in the rocking chair, a few more sweet baby hugs and kisses, a few more hours at the table after school hearing about their days.  Those were some good times and they are gone so fast.  I had no idea.  None at all.

Today my children have grown into two of the loveliest people I know.  They are both kind and thoughtful and generous of spirit.  Karl is nearing his goal of becoming a fireman and Kysa is less than 3 months from giving birth to our first grand-baby. I wish I was able to give them the gift of "now".  The knowledge that this moment will.not.come.again.  The ability to walk more slowly through life and absorb the joy, and the sorrow, as it happens. 

Cause Trace got it right, you're gonna miss this.

A rainbow of humanity.

One of the things I love most about spending time at Just Goods is the spectrum of people that pass through that building.  (I found this artists rendering of the building online.)  The location of the store is in a part of town that was once a very thriving Scandinavian neighborhood.  The Valkomen Towers, a assisted living facility, is still there, but most of the rest of the storefronts have changed hands many times, or are simply sitting empty.  The Midtown District is working hard to bring this area back, but it will be a long process.  The Rockford police drive through many, many times during the day, but there are still occasional processions of drug dealers parked in a line across the street, cell phones in hand and car windows going up and down.  It has brought home to me repeatedly that I have lived a very sheltered life.

Just Goods is currently under the umbrella of the Rockford Urban Ministries and their office is in the back of the store.  During the summer months work groups come from around the US to lend a hand in helping with home or building repairs for those in need.  Old, young, and every color come in and out getting assignments or to use the community room to grab some lunch or a cool drink.  We sell LOTS of organic chocolate to these people. :-)  For a couple of days we had a lovely pregnant woman volunteering in the shop because she was too pregnant to climb on a roof that the group she belonged too was working on.  The other store housed in our building, an antique store called Midtown Market, is also the front for the Rockford HIV/AIDS needle exchange and health services.  I'm learning a great deal about being Gay in Rockford and the scope of the drug problem still plaguing the city.  Often those seeking services from Midtown come in our store first.  Again with the sheltered life. 

And then there are the customers.  Being a fair trade store appeals to a wide range of people.  Those, like me, embracing the green hippie life, academics, business men and women, church goers who come in because they heard about it on Sunday, those committed to bringing back the Midtown District, homeless folks, travelers, Valkomen residents....the entire spectrum of humanity comes through the doors and I find each and every one fascinating.

Yesterday two Swedish brothers walked down from Valkomen.  I think they were both in their 80's, both wearing CUBS ball caps and walking with the aid of ornately carved African canes that they purchased at Just Goods.  They came looking for the building owner, Lee (who is also a teacher at Guilford High) to ask him about sheet music (a hobby of Lee's) and the conversation went to the old piano factory that was once here in town, how summer has been so kind to us this year, their ancestry in Sweden....an on and on.  They were such sweet little spirits, happy and full of life.  They made me rethink my plan to walk in front of a semi truck when I turn 80.  As this was going on inside the shop, outside the side window was a little black girl with funky little braids standing up all over her head waving at me. 

I used to think that working at the yarn store was the most colorful job I would ever have.  How wrong I was.

Random Sunday

A few random things for Sunday:

*So Friday I was doing my usual volunteer hours at Just Goods.  Which, by the way, you ought to take a visit to the website cause it's starting to take shape. This is a not-for-profit store and our webmaster volunteers his time, so I want to give him all kinds of kudos for a super great job.  The pictures on the site have this cool zoom function so you can got a better look at what is in the store. Anyway, there is a farmer's market that takes place across the street on Friday afternoons and the store is pretty busy with cross traffic. There are probably 10 or 12 people in the store and the manager has left me alone while she runs over to the market.  A dude comes in....maybe 50ish in age.  Not looking homeless, but could use a bit of sprucing up.  I notice that he has a backpack and a ball cap on with several buttons on the front.  He looks pretty harmless, but I keep an eye on him, just in case.  After a few minutes he comes up to the jewelry case that I'm standing behind and bends down to look into the case.  I tell him the usual "if there is anything I can help with..blah, blah" and as I finish his finger comes up to point at one of the buttons on his hat that says: "O*al s*x is a nice last minute gift.  How about now?" (you got that right?  I don't want to give fodder for nasty searches).  And he looks up at me with this sort of funny smile.  I look him straight in the eye, point to the door and out he calmly walks. That was the first time anything like that has happened to me!  Not to worry, I was perfectly safe and one of the men shopping in the store caught the whole thing and came over to see if I wanted to call the police, which I will if it happens again.  Never a dull moment at that store.  (In a good way!)

*On Saturday we took a quick trip up to Madison to see the new Harry Potter film in IMAX.  Just as good the second time...perhaps a bit sadder, and as we are leaving the theater we get behind a mother, teenage son, and I'm assuming the grandmother.

Grandmother:  Well, that was enjoyable.  That guy....the one in black.
Grandson: Snape
Grandmother: Sneep?
Mother: Snape
Grandmother: Sneed?
Grandson: SNAPE!

This continued on as we walked away.  It was so funny that I had to laugh out loud.  Poor Snape just can't get any respect.

*Smart phone users, have you tried the new browser, Bolt? It was recommended to me by a facebook friend and fellow Ravelry user.(Thanks, Sara!) I downloaded it onto my Blackberry last night and it.is.awesome.  No more zooming in and out or moving the screen around.  You can actually navigate a web site with functional success.  It's still in beta testing, but it is free.  Go forth and Bolt!!!

*Japanese beetles, in addition to being a scourge on the planet, smell terrible.  Just in case you were wondering. :-)

*The last few days I find myself pining a bit for Fall.  I realize we have at least a good month left of summer and have actually had a pretty temperate month of July, but I'm almost ready for crisp evenings and sweaters and candles lit all around. 

That's it.  Hope you're all having a simply lovely weekend.