Things my mother taught me.

Over the years I have heard people speak about grief; the 7 stages, no time table...etc, and I understood, or thought I did.  In fact, I never had a clue.  I have decided, a little over a month since my mother passed, that grief never goes away.  It changes the way it effects your day to day life, but it's always there.  Right now I still feel the hot well of tears whenever I drive by her home or the entrance to the hospital, but I know that will ease.  There are days that I find myself angry with her for leaving me with the mess of her estate and days that I find little, sweet memories that make me smile.  It is a process without an end date and we each experience it in different ways.

At the funeral my sister began a theme of "what my mother taught me" and I thought that today I would take a little time to speak to it from my perspective.

My mother taught me:

*To be first.  Take the first appointment of the day, be the first test taker, speaker, dish doer.  Anything that you really have no desire whatsoever to do, be the first one in line to do it.  Then it's over and you can move on.  This also applies to bed making, bathroom cleaning....etc.  I've found this a very helpful life tool.

*It is ok to be nice.  If you ask anyone to describe me quickly the first thing they probably say is "she's nice", and I am.  So is my sister.  Life is a much kinder experience when you are nice and I have found that the "more bees with honey" metaphor is quite accurate.  I can achieve what I want or need by being nice just as well as being stern or bossy.  Nice does not mean that I'm a pushover (ok, I can be occasionally, but I'm working on it), it just means that I choose to be kind.

*To appreciate my own company.  I am perfectly ok with alone, in fact I often prefer it.  Part of this is because I am introvert and need the quiet times, but I am genuinely just fine by myself.

*There is solace and peace in a good book.  Amen, sister.  There is nothing like a good book (or even an ok book) to smooth out the edges.

*To bloom where I am planted.  Mother was a genius at making the best of any situation.  This can have a down side as I am now the master of "settling for".  I'll settle for almost anything if it seems the path of least resistance.  Amazing Husband has been helping me with this from our first days together. Making the best of a situation doesn't mean you can't ask for what you want.

*Whining about it won't make it better.  I think that speaks for itself.

*Making things right is more important than being right.  It matters little who was right as long as the situation was resolved fairly.

*To be curious.  My mother was the most curious person I know.  "I wonder why..." began more sentences than I can count.  At 89 years old, my mother had numerous health issues, but her mind was 100% intact and I think part of it is because she kept it working all the time. 

*To love and respect nature.  This is a big one....HUGE even.  My love for this planet grew from seeds that mother planted and I thank her for it.  The summers I spent in the north woods shaped who I am today more than any other event in my life.  If I am able to pass no other legacy to my children and grandchildren it would be this one.  The planet that we live on is filled with beauty and wonders that are such precious gifts to us and all we have to do is see them. 

and finally.....

*People are more important than things. A car, bike, book, paper, lip gloss, lunch pass, favorite shirt, over coat can all be replaced or done without.  The person involved is where you need to put your focus. 

Thanks, Mom.

Comments

[chris from briar rose fibers]

what a blessing to have such a wise, insightful mother. I will take a few of these things and carry them with me...........and share them with my daughter and grandaughters....aaaaawwwww...now "I" have hot tears.....

[Joy]

That list is a wonderful gift! Thanks for sharing it.

[Diana]

AMEN!

Your mother truly was a wise, caring and insightful teacher.

[PainterWoman]

I'm glad you shared these lessons. I'm glad YOU chose to learn them. Don't you wonder if, as a mother, your kids "got" the lessons you meant to be teaching? Enjoy the spring.